Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
