Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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