Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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