He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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