i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
