I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
