i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
