i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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