Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
