This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
