Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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