he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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