Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
