I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize