I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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