Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize