There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
