I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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