and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
