Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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