Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize