but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i believe in u and ur pee
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
