this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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