Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize