All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
