i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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