Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
