I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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