so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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