There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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