Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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