Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
