Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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