Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
