I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
