just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
