Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
