My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
