Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My ass is underappreciated
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
