My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
