you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
