the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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