I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
