My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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