I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
