walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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