Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
