At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
