I got chris browned last night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You are a genius and a whore.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
