he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
