she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize