YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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