Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They took my balls.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
