He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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