Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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