My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
