You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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