I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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