Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
