White coat. Heels.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
