why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
