She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
