If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
