dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
