I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
