Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
