Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
